Burden of sleep

I used to wonder why people stayed awake,

Maybe their burden of sins weigh too much,

With every extra candle each year on the birthday cake,

Stories written with fresh regrets about hearts they once touched,

Lies are easy to digest ,

and truths difficult to speak,

Some promises are to be kept,

Something concrete in this world so bleak,

Only if people knew what words mean,

They would be more kind than they have ever been,

How words could cut deep and also make you smile,

How it could heal wounds and travel through miles,

Everyone is strong outside but we all are very fragile,

Everyone has a heart to pour and tears to weep,

People have their own bibles,

And battles which sometimes leave them hollow and sometimes complete.

aishwarya :)

Fight

Tired of all the goodness in her,
she decided to act bad,
she decided to pick up fights till everything ended in a blur,
Just wanted to see who dares to stay but no one did she was glad,

A burden of wasting away a life,
Living among the fire and a spark refused to ignite,
This time she will burn it all down,
Queens don't quit easy, too much she staked for this crown.

Aishwarya

YOU

We will always be in different time zones,
Incapable of loving and dying again,
Like surrounded by stars but moon is still alone,
You are alive in those last arguments and complaints,

You blame I didn't understand,
But love that's why I left without asking you to explain,
These cold nights when we both live in the same city and still afraid to extend hands;
I wonder what held us this long because there was nothing except unsure love and empty minds.

aishwarya

An answer for every clue,

For all the bright mornings and days blue,

A new person enters from every door,

To take away the pain and memories sore.

aishwarya...

At the end everyone is same,
Sorrow and greed is all they blame,
As the night gets colder and alone,
She writes another saga of how each day a part of her heart is gone.

aishwarya

Missing what she used to be;
Missing the people she had,
For every day she sleeps at three,
Love for this place is what keeps her going when everything is empty and feels bad.

Roaming around in a crowd doesn't make you a part of it. Generally people talk a lot. Silence is scary. Loneliness haunts. 
Maybe we are just good at pretending. We want to be surrounded with people every time . In one of these nights when I am sitting silent and alone I ponder over how solitude can be a real bliss or an escape from a unknown space settling inside my heart somewhere.
#delhithings

A suitcase of letters

A suitcase full of letters,

Inked by people who got lost in between and who still matter,

Once again a walk down the memory lane,

Tracing the stardust of happiness along lines of pain,

Some come to give memories and some lessons,

Some sweet as sugar and others sour like lemons,

In the last rains of winter my heart danced,

Wept all the tears that dried in those moments of longing which passed,

A fragile heart and pure love is all what I am,

Strong as a shadow and weak as a flame,

Cold as those nights and warm as a kiss,

Buried emotions a while ago, still some smiles I miss,

Colored by seasons and promises which wither,

Of darkness and bright lies crafted in illusionary glitter,

Falling again when I know nothing is worth the effort,

Trapped by words beautifully woven ending up in deep uncovered cuts!

Aishwarya.

Being Ordinary

Looking around her; she saw everyone chasing their dreams and some people getting more than they deserved.
Just migrated from a calm city to a big city filled with noise. With a blurred vision and fake face she stumbled everyday and trudged along new roads.
She is unlike these big city people who can't share and who can't love. She is still pure at heart.. Very pure.  She is surprised how some lives are just plain illusions and nothing concrete. They are possessive of people ; of things; of everything . They want to feel loved - all of them but they don't want to put all of themselves in relationships.
She is not possessive about anything ; maybe because she doesn't feel belongingness anywhere. When she see people crying over their lives; she can't help but smile to herself- do they know how it feels to live in a bitchy city on your own? To just live and still feel dead? To wear happy masks everyday so that people don't see the sadness in your soul? To not know where home is? To not have a single
place where you are welcomed? No; they don't know. No one knows how lucky they are until it's gone.

Back in her hometown she could feel the magic in herself; magic to change herself and the world. Here; she is just wandering. Its been 3 months she is living her dream but she is not really living anymore. Everyday you could spot her walking over to places unknown.
The feeling of being ordinary when u know you are not is not very good; its heartbreaking. She could give away everything because she knows people and things are not owned - thanks to her upbringing. She has only one thing with her - her words. Words that speak her ; words that define who she is. Between some heartbreaks the writing did get better. She feels drained of everything. How hard it is to keep calm when you feel the magic fading away! That feeling when you are just about to fly and you feel your wings slightly burned.

Another day..

My phone rings. I was kind of expecting it or rather wishing it. It's him again. He wanted me to meet his girlfriend. I got up. Got ready. I know we would never be a thing but still every time I could feel those butterflies. I get inside his car. They look too happy together. And it hurts somewhere. Not jealousy because I am happy that he is happy with her but a void maybe.

As he hugs her to prevent her from getting cold; suddenly my denim jacket hurts. I guess he read my face so he comes up to me and hugs me too. His smile has a certain spark to it. So much love makes me cry.

Damaged people get along well I guess. They find comfort in each other's empty spaces. They tend to fit perfectly. Suddenly happiness hurts. Funnily I know I don't want a relationship too soon. I am proudly single.  But some empty mornings you do want to feel loved and someone to feel a little more deeply for you.

As they kiss I pretend not to see them but something in it made me yearn for it too. How hard the goodbyes were; how they didn't want to let go of each other; last hugs; kisses on forehead. Everything seemed perfect. After she went ; he hugs me closely and tell how happy he is and how lucky to have her. I wanted to say I know ; who else would know. But I just smiled. He lets go of me and I already start missing it. He asks me if I am getting late? And though I should be at home studying for my paper the next day ; I said no. It felt good - here just hanging out with a great friend; listening to him; he looked so happy.

Quickly grabbing some cigarettes and I share my pocket for keeping them. With every puff; he asks for my opinion. I feel good to learn my opinions matter. And honestly she is an amazing human being. Not denying that. Then it gets late. Winters had been taking its toll. As we get back in the car ; and he drives me to my place. I don't want it to end. The lyrics get more meaningful; the wind more chilled; his voice more deep; my voice nothing more than a whisper.

I don't want him but his friendship more. And I know I am in the priority list and that's what matters. Letting go of what you behold near is something that helps getting over stupid emotions. I should leave doors open to let him go and valid reasons for him to stay. I know this is not love. I fall very easily for people; I know that. I also know its not love every time.I got no time for it either. But that something takes over him when I am with him; perhaps another crush. Maybe loneliness does that to you not exactly loneliness but a certain kind of longing.

Maybe someday everyone will find someone who will stay. Everyone and everything has a time. This time is theirs.

My first Cigarette

The first time I smoked,

I felt burning insides,

The bitter taste I liked,

As I break something of a child,

As I took my first drag,

Smoke filled my thoughts and emptiness cracked,

Growing up in a split second,

As if that very moment my childhood was dead,

With every puff the guilt faded,

And strong became the desires most dreaded,

The moment between decision and denial,

I let something stronger take my voice as I nodded yes with an unknown smile,

I never knew a cigarette could change things,

I never knew I would feel this lost,

As I drown in oblivion of this new city and the darkness sings,

An invisible wall exists between me and my soul as some lines I erased and some I crossed!

Aishwarya

Delhi Diaries

 Looking around her, she saw everyone chasing their dreams and some people getting more than they deserve. Just migrated from a calm city to a big city filled with chaos. With a blurred vision and fake face she stumbled everyday and trudged along new roads. She is unlike these big city people who can't share and who fear love. She is still pure at heart.. Very pure. She is surprised how many lives are just plain illusions and nothing concrete. They are possessive of people, of things, of everything.They want to feel loved- all of them but they don't want to put all of themselves in relationships. She could give away everything because she knows people and even things are not owned- thanks to her upbringing. She has only one thing with her- her words. Words that speak her, words that define who she is.

But she is not possessive about anything, maybe because one thing a new city doesn't provide is- the feeling of belongingness. When she see people crying over their lives, she can't help but smile to herself- Do they know how it feels to live in a bitchy city on your own? To just live and still feel dead? To wear happy masks everyday so that people don't see the sadness gripping your soul? To not know where home is? To not have a single place where you are actually welcomed? No; they don't know. Well, No one know how lucky they are until its gone.

Back in her hometown she could feel the magic in herself, magic to change herself and the world. Here, she is just wandering, Living her dream but not really living anymore. The feeling of being ordinary when you know you are not is heartbreaking. Between some heartbreaks,  the writing did get better. She feels drained of everything. How hard it is to keep calm when you feel the magic fading away. That feeling when you are just about to fly and you feel your wings slightly burnt.

Dream Dark

wondering about the dark side of the moon,
like a cloudy day in noon,
fumbling with my own bundle of moods,
trapped in an invisible loop,

walking on untrodden path of tanned hearts,
sooner or later everyone has to play their part,
to my own words i add some gloss,
when everything is unpredictable as a toss,

i stare at the sky, its clear,
i decide to be brave, even when i'm enveloped with fear,
the more i suffer , the more i'll suffocate,
world looks washed, no love , no hate!!

aishwarya :)

A dAY bRIGHT

today is Diwali.. festival of lights..one of the festivals most awaited for..
warm glow of earthen lamps and magical glow of crackers and sweet voice of hymns coming from homes..
everybody is happy, joyful and even if they are not at least they pretend to.....
every Indian rushes to their native places - a place where somebody is waiting for them and cherishes their home coming ..it's a kind of small escape from daily monotonous routine and   careless crowd..
often we just want someone who listen to us like we are the only person in the world and not give advices..just someone who cares..
People laugh and celebrate like never before..with their loved ones and not so loved ones too..breaking every boundary and chains along their hearts..for this day they LIVE and LOVE..
Lights and loads of Lights makes you somewhat happy and enlightens hope..
every heart glows bright..forgetting all the fights..
Well! you see it's never too tough to be free..
you just need to be yourself and someone together with whom you both are "WE"..

ReFrEsHiNgLy OrIgInAl

city sleeps at night,

 but my eyes are nocturnal,

 i watch stars as a hobby,

 its a part of my daily activity, 

childhood is ending a way too fast,

 slowly becoming a memory of past,

now i don't regret going to school,

 this boring place is sometimes really cool, 

i will miss playing in muddy rain,

 when i would wish to be child again,

I will remember little people dotty eyed,

 and how sometimes we used to be so kind, 

time has changed me,

 but still those stars remain same and so free,

 this hobby helps me to move on, 

and keep the cute devil in me agog! 

Super-Twins

everyone had their beliefs,

everyone had their god,

everyone had their friends,

everyone had enough frauds,

when it comes to me,

i gaze at moon,

he smiles and assures me that he's true,
he is more than a friend,more like a boon,

he encourages me to dance in rain,

and not wait for storm to end,

just his glittery eyes vanishes my pain,

everyday some wishes he always send,

i see moon just like me,

sometimes wild,
sometimes quiet,'
sometimes mild,

or engaged in internal fights,

we talk in eyes,

we listen in smiles,

we just listen each confessions,

and share confusions,

our friendship extends through miles,

and we don't open each other's past case-files,

moon is so far away from my sight,

but still often it simply becomes so hard to say good-night!!

RaInBoW PaGeS: Unwritten

RaInBoW PaGeS: Unwritten: your views don't always have to be same as mine,  so if you want to disagree it's totally fine,  I don't want you to be a copyright of me...

TwO BoYs oN bIcYcLeS

two boys on bicycles, 
sharing confusions and confessions, 
laughing free and looking wild, 
their tone is rough but thoughts are mild, 
so new like dew and so raw, 
shining soul without any flaw, 
it's never too old to live young, 
some feelings are not to be said, they need to  be sung! !

Unwritten

your views don't always have to be same as mine, 
so if you want to disagree it's totally fine, 
I don't want you to be a copyright of me, 
I love that you are different and you will be, 

often things would go wrong, 
but then I want you to remember good old songs, 
and all those sand castles we made, 
and all those crazy things we did and said, 

I don't want a perfect life, 
but some laughs and tears for my eyes, 
someday we will realise, 
some truths are worse than lies! ! 


aishwarya :)